Dating in your 40s aka at least I’ll get some good stories out of it?
I am 41 and single. I have had a few long term relationships with good men, but nothing was the right fit. And I am a bit picky. I love my life and I want to make sure that the person who comes into it will be a good fit for it, not just to have someone.
So that has left me in the dating world. And that has made me realize a few things.
One, being single leaves you open for crushes that can really feel like you are a teen again and that is rough. I have been dealing with a crush on a really awesome guy for a bit now. It is not feasible because he is not interested in me in that way, or at least I don’t think he is. And I am not willing to ask to figure it out. He is currently really helping me become a better person. He is helping me work on my fears and overcome the blocks in my head to be a healthier person. There are moments I want to grab his face and kiss him. But I won’t because I am not willing to risk loosing him and the relationship we have now by scaring the crap out of him with trying to awkwardly hit on him. That wouldn’t be fair to him. And then I would loose someone who is making a real difference in my life.
But those feelings can be intense in the stupidest ways imaginable. I am not 13, what the hell. I am a logical professional woman so why does he pop in my head so much. It’s very weird. I thought I would have outgrown this by now.
So there’s that aspect. Then there is a the option aspect. I have been on dates with men where it is clear from the get-go they have “options” and that they want to pretty much have all of it. I went on date with a guy who at first seemed great. Then towards the end of the date he started to treat it like a wrap up to an interview. Tells me about the other dates he has had and ones he has scheduled. He wants a second date but will contact me later in the week to schedule after his other dates.
Okay, so, there is a lot to unpack there but obviously, I was a no to a second date because WTF. Listen, I am not saying people should be committed after the first date. Far from it. Take your damn time and figure out if it is a good match. When people are all in right away they freak me out too. But this? This was so inappropriate. I get people have options, whether it our age or the times we live in, it is what is true. And it is very true for men. They can date way younger than themselves and people just assume they have money or the girl has daddy issues. Some men really embrace the McConaughey “Dazed and Confused” philosophy.
But you don’t treat people that way. That is just not okay. I am a choice not an option. So don’t treat people like they have to compete for the position of being with you. That is just not cool.
Then there is the issue of being old fashioned. I really like it when men take the lead. Like a lot. I want to be asked out on an actual date. Not let’s hang out but an actual date. I was in the bookstore and saw a book I almost got for my kid and randomly flipped open to this page:
The book is called How Not to be a Dick. And I literally took a pic of the page and sent it to a friend. I was laughing because this is dead on. I want a guy to show he is interested and to make it clear. No, flirt flirt flirt not hear from ya or talk about another girl while getting drinks. How am I to know what you are aiming for if you are being all vague.
Sometimes a gal just wants a guy to just go for it and kiss her. That can really clear up the confusion.
I dated a guy who never planned a date. I take that back we dated for over three years and he did plan about a dozen dates. All good, I liked them. But in three years that was a drop in the bucket in comparison to the amount we went out. His go to line when I would ask what he wants to eat or where he wants to go? “Whatever my baby wants”. Your baby wants you to make up your damn mind. Even on the vacation he was taking me on, I booked the tickets, the hotel, etc. Oh, he would give input saying why my choices wouldn’t work that well, but did he actually make a decision. No.
Now I am not saying that a guy needs to always make every decision or plan everything but show some initiative. It gets old fast.
There are some other things, like online dating and why in the world men half my age ask me out (like honestly, why?), but I think I will hold off and do other posts on those. Until then, have fun :)