This summer was a lot. Not because of anything specific, but more because I got in my own head and prevented myself from moving forward. In a downward spiral of negativity, I focused on what I didn’t like and what I didn’t have instead of all the positives and all the possibilities. It is something I quite often do, especially when I am not careful whom I am around. They can impact me in two different ways but both mess with my motivation, drive and overall well-being.
One - I get wrapped in stupid shit. This is normally things like gossip, melodrama and poor me syndrome. Now I fully acknowledge that the quickest way to find someone who LOVES drama is someone who complains about other peoples drama. And drama can be amazingly addictive. I think it is because it reminds of us of the intense feelings we had when we were teens so it artificially inflates things to a level of importance it just simply isn’t.
Your SO is refusing to go somewhere unless you meet their demands even though you made a commitment to go? Yeah…well…the fact you are dating them says A LOT about your desire for drama because that is an incredibly immature power play there and either way you handle that, you loose. Like sincerely. But then again, the fact that you tolerate being treated that way says you’re addicted to the drama. Because, honestly, who acts that way who has aged out of high school?
And oddly enough a version of that scenario I watched play out and it slapped me silly. Especially given the odd texts I got while it was all playing out. I was just a friend and yet somehow I am now having to deal with the spill over of that level of crazy? Yeah, no. I don’t think I have been that level of pissed in years.
But that’s the thing about drama. It was clear they couldn’t see it. It was clear others there couldn’t see it. I on the other hand was getting text messages helping another friend through her father’s illness that scared her that he might die. Now that is something to be upset over. That is something to throw a temper tantrum over and pout and demand that others who claim to love you step up. That is actually real. That is a moment where if she asked me to handle the spill over from that, I wouldn’t even hesitate because that isn’t an ask, it’s a call for help that is real.
The other way is the YOU ARE WRONG SHUT THE F UP way. I talk with a lot of people all the time. Their opinions vary and most of the time I don’t really care. Unless you opinion says X shouldn’t exist and we should get rid of them, I really don’t care enough to argue. But there are some people in my life were I have to deal with their opinions and more importantly their behavior about those opinions that make me want to scream.
I want to scream you SPOILED SELF INDULGENT HYPOCRITES. These are the people who will whine about being busy but yet don’t actually get all that much done and their list of things to do seem inflated. Nope, I have worked 60 hour weeks while raising a kid, having a dying parent and going to school. I do know what busy is. And even then I got my shit done. Your to-do list sounds like maybe if you prioritized the work over gossiping, social media and complaining about how busy you are, then maybe you wouldn’t be so busy. Or the “those people” are the problem. Now this goes both ways the “they just need to do X and it would solve their problems” such as if they just buckled down they would be able to afford a house and then stop complaining. Or the throw the baby out with the bathwater group in the “The system is all evil so it must be torn down and that will fix the problem”. I oddly enough find these two do seem to be generational. It is so funny to me how much Boomers and Millennials are EXACTLY alike and yet hate each other so much.
Now I don’t like getting into these discussions but as a Gen Xer myself, I am sandwiched between the two and it drives me insane.
Don’t complain about lack of opportunities when I literally watch you squander all the amazing opportunities you have with really pathetic excuses. And don’t claim that because you did it they should be able to do it, I have to come set up your damn TV, the world is A LOT DIFFERENT. Now I am not saying it is anyone specific though I am assuming you are assuming it is my family. Yes, some of it is, but I am on social media and holy crap the amount absolutely dumb shit people post that fit this categories.
And that impacts my mindset. Because I can turn off my social media but I can’t turn off the real people interactions I have to have. And this is insane. If you are using all, none, always or never and it isn’t science or math based discussion, I am immediately thinking you are an idiot. If you are quoting a meme as if it is fact, I am immediately thinking you are an idiot. If you start a phrase with don’t take this the wrong way or no offense but I am immediately thinking you are a condensing idiot.
And that puts me in a mood. A horribly rotten negative mood where I think, I’m glad the planet is going to kill us all off because obviously it should all end. Which is not the right mood to be in. Besides the obvious reason of no, I don’t really want humanity to die out, the other is it makes me numb and comfortable with mediocrity.
That kills my creativity, my drive, my experimental nature and my call to adventure. Which then makes me more miserable.
So - how do I address this. Well first, I need to see if I can be in people’s lives who like drama without being a part of it. I have a feeling that will be a no. Even if they sincerely see me as a friend, my value goes down if I don’t validate the drama, so I will hear from them less and less. And if I mirror their level of engagement with me, then it will resolve itself. Either the friendship is real or it isn’t.
As for the complaining generalists, obviously less social media. Snooze A LOT of people. Less engagement with those who’s complaining I find like nails on a chalkboard. Maybe focus on specific discussion points as to avoid areas that will lead to their rants. The thing so many people fail to understand is that you have the right to your opinion and I have the right to judge you mercilessly for it and there is no guarantee I will be kind. This is why up until social media’s big bang, people rarely shared their opinions outside their closest loved ones who could easily call bullshit on you for being an idiot or think you are brilliant because you share the same opinion. Or if you are really lucky, love you in spite of your idiot opinion because they have gotten to know you and understand where the opinion comes from.
But now, no. I don’t care. Put your opinion away. No one cares.
And on that note, I will stop spewing my opinion all over a blog I don’t even let people post comments on, lol.